Dr. Gonzo imbibes at the bar, as played by Micah A. Hanks

By Micah Hanks

It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke: a journalist, a Bluegrass singer, and a Presbyterian minister walk into a bar; but sadly, there’s no punch line to this strange set of circumstances.

It was in the summer of 2006 while visiting the great state of Montana that I was taken to one of the strangest Tiki bars I’ve ever visited. Nestled in the mountain town of Great Falls at an altitude of about 5,000 feet, my comrade Tom Godleski and I were taken by our guide, Pastor Tim, to The Sip-N-Dip Lounge.

Few bars have any real claim to fame; the Sip-N-Dip, on the other hand, has several. With an illuminated swim tank visible through reinforced glass windows behind the bar, beautiful gals dressed as mermaids swim around and interact with the bartenders on weekends. In fact, after her success appearing alongside Tom Hanks in Ron Howard’s 1984 flick Splash, Darryl Hannah even donned a mermaid costume and swam around in the tank during a visit to the famous watering hole.

Keep in mind that when I say famous, I mean famous. In its April 2003 issue, GQ Magazine voted the Sip-N-Dip Lounge as the “Number One Bar on Earth.” ‘Nuff said!

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At recent cocktail get-together, my friend Chris Hayes and I were discussing a favorite subject of ours: how not to make an Old Fashioned. Chris (who surprised me a while back with his knowledge of the proper way to make this beverage) admitted that he once visited a chain restaurant in the area that served him bourbon and muddled orange juice over ice, topped off with tonic water in a draft glass. Sounds like I’d give that drink a different name altogether: “The Bourbon Hiding Behind Too Much Citrus Disappointment.”

The Old Fashioned is by no means the only drink that can be easily fumbled by improper proportions of spirits used, or more importantly, the over-use of any secondary mixing agents. The Martini, with too-much Vermouth, might become a winey “Martouth.” Similarly, a Jack Rose with too much lemon might wilt Jack’s rose altogether and create a “Sour Jack.” Indeed, these fine little things are among the most important aspects of properly mixing cocktails.

Hence, the prolific “Beachbum Berry,” a mixologist who specializes in tropical drinks (or even just straight, good rum if he’s feeling too lazy to have to shake up one of his famous classics) was kind enough to bestow upon bum-kind his own very special “Hundred Dollar Mai Tai” Recipe.

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